Warnings and Disclaimers: This story picks up about eighteen months after Love Struck, which is a sequel to The Day Lucy Broke Down. However, it is not necessary to read them before you begin this one. Like almost all my other stories, this is an alternate romance fiction. Don't read it if you don't dig it--doesn't bother me either way. Author's Note: It's been quite a while since I last wrote. The lessons in these intervening months have been life-changing. Hopefully it is reflected in what I've written. I'm continually amazed at the faith people put in me to keep on writing. Without you guys, there wouldn't be this--or any other, for that matter--story. I guess I just wanna say thank you. As usual, I am dying for feedbacks. And for that to happen, you would first have to start reading, so enough talk. Crossing Waters by d a m n a t i o n shag_chic@hotmail.com Part One I wanna run through the halls of my high school I wanna scream at the top of my lungs I just found out there's no such thing as the real world Just a lie you got to rise above No Such Thing; John Mayer 1 The little bits of sky seen through the airplane windows were a striking blue. It was probably a hot day in Cairns--there were no clouds in sight. Jordan averted her head to hide her yawn as the plane tilted and proceeded to descend. "So you're not coming with us to the hotel?" James Beacon, a rising singer whose hair she was in charge of styling, asked. James was strikingly beautiful up close--more so than in any of his photos or on the television, Jordan decided. He had an intense air around him that seemed to draw people's attention; it was something the cameras couldn't quite seem to capture. That, coupled with his distinctive, mellow vocals, made girls all over the country swoon. Jordan herself found him to be very attractive but when chances presented themselves for something to happen between them, she had always backed out on the pretext that she didn't want to mix business with pleasure. But really, ever since her last relationship ended, she had thrown herself into her work and had not allowed herself to think about hooking up with anyone. "No, not until the day before we start work. I haven't seen my cousin for ages and I really wanna catch up with her and her girlfriend." Most guys Jordan knew would lift a brow or inquire more when they hear about her lesbian cousin and her girlfriend but James only nodded. It made her wonder again what had stopped her from hooking up with him all those times; he was definitely one of the more decent guys that she was acquainted with. "Well if you guys wanna hang out, I don't think I've got much planned before we start filming, just a couple of meetings and interviews here and there. That is, well, if it's cool to intrude." Jordan smiled. "Yea, maybe you could come round for dinner one night or something. You'll like Kelly--that's my cousin's girlfriend. She's pretty shy in the beginning but really cute and loves boating. Mach, though, she's got a sarcastic tongue. She's an acquired taste." James laughed softly. "They sound nice." He sounded so wistful in that one simple sentence that Jordan felt her chest tighten. She had consumed herself with work just so that she wouldn't have time to feel lonely after Haley and she had broken up. But at that moment, she shared his sentiment. It would be good to see Mach and Kelly again. Jordan spotted Kelly the moment she stepped off the escalator. She gave her friend an excited smile and wave before turning to the small entourage of people working on this project. "Guys I'm gonna go first, give me a call if you need me to come in for anything, all right?" Jordan was technically not required to be in Cairns until James did all his promotional work with various magazines and radio stations so she was confident that she wouldn't be disturbed for the few days before the filming of the music video started. Four of the six Studio Z staff had wandered off already in the direction of the baggage claim track. James pulled his baseball cap lower to shield more of his features but Jordan saw his smile goodbye and returned it. "All right, have a good one, Jordan," Henry, James' manager said. "See you in a couple of days." Kelly waited near the automated doors of the airport with her hands tucked deep into the pockets of her usual pair of shorts that hung far too low on her hips. Her hair was growing out and it was beginning to annoy her; she pulled at it unconsciously. When she saw Jordan approach, she dropped her hand and gave her a sunny smile. Jordan was as Kelly remembered her: tall, lithe and beautiful. Mach still teased her sometimes about her crush on Jordan when she first met her. "It's so good to see you!" Jordan enveloped Kelly in a hug. "Yea, been a while eh. How you been? You look good." It had been ages since they last saw each other. Mach and she had gone on mini roadtrip that had developed, quite unintentionally, into a massive one that had begun in Sydney and was supposed to end in Adelaide. But when they got to Adelaide, they decided to see the West Coast as well. One place led to another and, before they knew it, they were in North Queensland. They had almost gone a full circle around Australia. "You look fantastic yourself, sweetie. Let's get outta here before we catch up. Where's Mach?" Jordan looked around for her annoying cousin. "Outside with the car. Want me to get that bag?" "No, I'm good thanks. God, is it only five? I'm knackered!" "Well Mach said she's gonna make us dinner tonight so all you have to do is kick back with a cold beer and wait to be served, really." Kelly spotted their shared wheels and steered Jordan towards it. Betsy, Mach's hideous heap that only she called truck, had broken down somewhere between Adelaide and Fremantle. It had been an emotional week for Mach, having to let go of the truck, and Kelly hoped that Herbie, their little eight-year-old Suzuki Vitara, had at least another decade of lifespan left in it. Jordan's eyes widened. "Oh, that sounds amazing. I can't wait." Mach had already spotted them and was standing outside the car with a smirk on her face. Her long, dark hair was pulled up into a ponytail under a baseball cap. She looked tanned and healthy. "Why hello there." Mach gave her cousin a big hug and reached over to grab her bag. "Our very own big shot hairstylist here in Cairns. Gonna give me a haircut while you're here? I haven't been getting any ladies knocking on our doors asking me out on dates." Jordan rose a brow and shot Kelly a look. "Uh huh." "She likes saying no to people," Kelly deadpanned. Mach laughed at that and gave Kelly an affectionate look. Being around them made Jordan feel like there was hope for relationships yet. "So, how does an ice cold beer on a couch in a nice leafy backyard with nice background music sound?" Mach said after placing Jordan's carry bag in the car. "Auhh." Jordan's eyes were closed, as though she was relishing in the idea. "Amazing?" "Well let's go then, ladies," Mach said, pulling Kelly towards herself, wrapping her arm around Kelly's waist in an easy manner to give her a light squeeze before pulling away to get into the car. "Oh, and guess what we've got lined up for you tomorrow night, missy-moo? The Tropical Alternative Film Festival! Hot lesbians, oh yea." Jordan chuckled as she got into the car. Yea, it was good hang out with these two again. 2 Mach and Kelly lived in a shared house with one other person, Megan. "Well technically, only Kelly lives in the house with Megan, our housemate. She's crazy, you'll love her. I live in the shed," Mach said as she drove. "We are so stoked--and I cannot emphasized to you just how stoked we are--about having our own house!" Kelly agreed from behind. "Yea, it's not that big of a house but it's heaps cosy and it's got this massive yard with big shady trees and lots of plants. Megan loves to garden. I've been helping her." "Didn't you pull out the eggplant seedling instead of the weed the other time, darlin?" Mach teased, earning herself an amused look from Jordan and a playful poke in her neck from her mock disgruntled passenger behind. "I have to admit, I don't have green thumbs," Kelly said ruefully. "But I hear from a certain tall, dark and annoying person that my other fingers do pretty well." Jordan laughed out loud this time, tickled pink at Mach's look of mock outrage. Mach, on the other hand, snapped her mouth shut, took the laughter graciously, then turned around and poked her tongue out at Kelly. "You're cute. I think I'll keep you. Don't you think she's cute, Jordan?" Mach said, returning her attention to the road. "She's not too bad, I must say. I thought she was pretty cute the first time I met her." "Ooh, when she had that crush on ya?" Mach couldn't resist. The cousins shared a laugh as Kelly buried her face in both her palms and mumbled something about wanting to be somewhere else with Lucy. "Oh, your laptop's still alive and well, huh, good to know." Mach shot a look at Jordan. "Aren't you forgetting that I'm a geek that fixes those things for a living? Of course Lucy's still alive and well. Not the snazziest model in the market no more, but doing well." The day that Lucy, Kelly's laptop, had broken down about two years ago, was the fateful day that Kelly had met both Jordan and Mach. It was a day that had ended in the most unexpected way for Kelly, who was a self-proclaimed hermit. Up till then, she had never dated before. And in all honesty, she still felt more comfortable meeting people online than in real life--that is, when she found time to meet people online these days. "But really, Kell, I did think you were cute except that I only had eyes for Haley at the time." "Yea, so... how're you feeling about that, lady?" Mach asked. When Jordan had told her that she and Haley had broken up, she had been surprised at how all right her cousin had sounded. It was almost as though Jordan was telling her what she had for dinner or something. On the few occasions that they had spoken after that, Mach had tried and failed to get Jordan to talk about what had happened between Haley and herself. She had learnt since then to leave it be until Jordan decided that she wanted to talk about it--if ever. "Pretty okay I guess. I haven't let myself feel much after the break up. I mean, there was the initial Fuck Just Kill Me Now bit, but after that was over I think I did pretty well." Mach nodded, wanting to ask what had happened but didn't do so, knowing that Jordan would tell of her own accord if she wanted to. "He kinda... well, he fell for someone else. He said the most they did was to kiss but whatever." This was the first time Jordan was talking about her break up with Haley. She felt strangely lighter in her chest as the words spilled out. "It's the usual We've Grown Apart, We Want Different Things Now, I Still Love You But Not In Love With You bullshit. It's not too bad. He said wanting to kiss someone else made him realize that maybe he wanted something different now. He says it's not like he is choosing someone else over me or anything like that. We've caught up a few times since, you know, for coffee and stuff. It's been okay, just slightly awkward. But he's trying and I appreciate that in some ways." "You guys are still friends? That's cool." Jordan shook her head with a small smile. "I don't know about the friends bit right now, but yea, I don't hate him or anything. People are entitled to fall out of love with other people. It happens all the time. I guess I just felt... I don't know... It's like, I couldn't even blame him. It's pretty hard not to be able to blame someone... or something at least. But I see where he's coming from. I've just gotten real comfortable in the relationship and I thought it was gonna last, you know. It was a sort of permanent fixture in my life and losing it, well, that was kinda hard." Mach decided to change the subject at this point. "So you thought Kelly was cute, huh?" She threw a teasing smile at Jordan and back at Kelly, who caught on with what Mach was trying to do immediately. "You probably would have had to hit me with a metal pole just so I knew you were interested. I was clueless!" Mach nodded enthusiastically at that. "This one," Kelly continued, pointing at Mach, "practically had to throw herself at me and kiss me before I knew what was going on. I thought she hated me!" This got a chuckle from Jordan. Talking about her break up finally just made her realize that it didn't hurt anymore, that it was more like recounting a bad memory rather than reliving a past hurt. "Granted, she did have a funny way of showing someone that she liked them," Kelly said. "Yea, you're like a school boy, Mach! You know, those boys that actually really like the girls that they tease mercilessly," Jordan said. "Okay, okay," Mach said, raising one hand in mock surrender. She pulled the car into their driveway and parked it. "I was a really messed up kid, okay? Now, let's get those beers and give you a tour of our little place. I think Megan said she won't be home till late so it'll just be the three of us having a nice yummy dinner together under the nice big tree." The house had, as the girls had described it, a cosy feel to it. It had a room just past the front door that was presumably Kelly's bedroom and a mezzanine level that Megan occupied. The kitchen was clean and it looked warm and welcoming. Copper pots and pans hung overhead a wooden bench. There was a toilet and a bathroom just before the lounge area that Mach and Kelly shared; Megan had her own ensuite upstairs. "This is our home. House, this is Jordan," Mach said after a brief tour. They ended back outside Kelly's bedroom door. "Megan owns this place. She's done it up really well. We're pretty lucky to find this house. Anyway, you get Kelly's room all to yourself. And if you get too lonely, there's hot old Megan upstairs and we'll just be out there in the shed. Although I'm not too keen about the whole cousin getting together thing, I'm sure Kell would love to have you cosying up to her." "Mach!" Kell and Jordan chorused in exasperation. Mach stuck out her tongue and followed them into Kelly's room with Jordan's bag. "Well, you should get yourself familiarized with the room or whatever if you have to and come hang out with me in the kitchen or have a beer with Kell in the garden," Mach said. "I'm gonna go make dinner cos Mach is Hungry." "Yea, all right, I'll be out in a sec." "C'mon Kell, let's get jiggy with it," Jordan could hear Mach saying as they exited the room. "So what are you up to tonight, Kell?" Mach asked, not looking up from the chopping board. She was halfway through slicing onions. "Fuck, that stings," she grumbled, stopping for a second to run her upturned wrists under running water. Kelly backed out of the refridgerator with two beer stubbies in her hands, her hair looking more tousled than ever. "Nothing, I cancelled the guitar lesson 'cos I wanted to hang out with Jordan. Why, what are you up to?" "Probably muck around on the puter for a bit. You wanna play a game of Scrabble after dinner?" "Do I? I'll pulverize ya," Kelly said, passing Mach an opened stubbie. She took her usual seat on the counter and sipped her own beer. "And if you have the audacity to win, I'll get Jordie to scratch your face out when he gets back." Mach grinned at her sliced onion, then up at her girlfriend. "I kinda love you something crazy." Sometimes when she took the time to think about it, it scared her how much she enjoyed being with Kelly. After a short break a couple of months into their relationship, Mach realized that she could either take the chance and be with someone wholeheartedly, trusting in the strength of their feelings for each other, or give in to her fear that everyone would leave her like her father did, and sabotage everything good that came her way. Almost two years down the former path, she had to say that she had no regrets, not even during the worst of times. "Yea?" Kelly smiled, a warmth spreading in her chest at the words. "Don't do that psycho stalker thing anymore please, it's getting old," she complained playfully. She leaned forwards despite her words and brushed Mach's right cheek with her lips. "I think we need some music," she announced, hopping off the counter. Mach turned on the stove and plonked a copper pot on it. "Ah Kell, no Eminem please. I don't know how you can stand him." Not hearing a reply, Mach directed her attention to the task at hand. Then Eminem's 'Just Lose It' started playing on the stereo. Mach groaned to herself laughingly, knowing that she would be disappointed if Kelly had actually passed the chance to be cheeky. "Kelly!" "Yes mum." The music changed. Mach growled to herself. "And no Linkin Park either! What are you, fifteen and emo?" she shouted in the general direction of the lounge area. Amy Winehouse came on next. This time, Mach did not voice any objection and Kelly returned to her spot on the counter. She sat there silently, watching Mach cook their dinner, sipping her beer occasionally. This was the position that Jordan found them in when she came into the kitchen. "So, where's Jordie?" "Un-Hungry," Mach supplied unhelpfully. Kelly chuckled. "He comes home when he's hungry. Normally around seven or so." She pointed to the refridgerator. "Beer's in there, Jordan. Help yourself." "Still haven't got the cat to like you yet, Mach?" Jordan teased while getting herself a beer. Mach turned down the heat on the stove, picked up her beer, and turned around. She wedged herself between Kelly's dangling legs and leaned back into her. "That devil's incarnate? Why would I want any affection from that?" She took a swig of her beer and almost lost it all when Kelly poked her neck, making her twitch quite violently. "Mach's still rather unhappy about the fact that she's second to Jordie." Jordan nodded, playing along. "It's quite sad, isn't it. But second isn't too bad, Mach. Oh, wait, we're forgetting Lucy. That makes you third." "Fourth actually," Mach said sourly. "Now there's Frankie too." "Frankie?" "Her guitar. We got it from the Buy Back Shop. She started taking lessons about three weeks ago." Even though Kelly sang awfully, Mach found that she wasn't a total lost cause when it came to music. The nightly guitar practice was beginning to show some result. Kelly was also starting to be able to read music. Most nights saw them in the yard with Mach on her laptop and Kelly struggling through a chord or another. "So what's for dinner? I'm starving." They sat under a vine covered shelter outside the house for dinner. The nights were beginning to feel slightly cool now that winter was approaching. Dusk fell around the trio. It felt peaceful sitting where they were with a number of citrus scented candles scattered on the table and on the ground around them. "I've missed you guys. Reckon you'll be coming back to Sydney at all?" Jordan asked halfway through her dinner. "This is pretty decent, Mach. I see you've been domesticated?" "Hey, I've always been good in everything I do, Jordan." Jordan ignored her cousin and turned to Kelly. "So Kell? Sydney anytime soon you reckon?" "We haven't really talked about it yet. Maybe. But not to live though..." she trailed off and looked at Mach. "I really like Cairns at the moment and I wanna spend more time out at the reef before we move on." "Yea, didn't you say that you're gonna be on some cruise for work, Jordan? They'll most probably let you snorkel or dive while you're out there. Do it. It's fucken amazing," Mach said. "Oh, I don't know... I can't really swim that well..." Jordan said hesitantly. "No, no, you gotta. It's worth drowning for," Mach said. Kelly shot her girlfriend a bemused look, shaking her head at her powers of persuasion. "I kid you not, Jordan. Put on a life jacket, wear flippers, hold someone's hand if you have to. But go. Really." Jordan could see that Mach was really serious about this. "First coupla weeks we were here, we traded work at the shipyard to go snorkelling," Kelly said. "It was awesome. It's beautiful out there. Words do it no justice so I'm not even gonna try. But Mach's right. You gotta do it. In another fifty years the reef might not exist anymore because of the way we're fucking up the world." "All right, I'll definitely do it if I get the chance, okay? Otherwise when I get back after the filming I'll book myself on a snorkelling trip and shout you guys too so someone can hold my hand, okay?" Kelly chuckled. "Okay. But you don't have to shout us. We'll shout you." "Hey, I don't wanna shout her, don't say 'we' like I'd definitely agree to it, Kell!" Mach protested. "Fine, I'll shout her then, happy?" "Now you make me sound miserly," Mach whinged. "Darrell Rivers Mach!" Kelly said, exasperated. "Don't be difficult or there won't be no kiss goodnight," she growled. "Ooh, you are so hot when you make empty threats, Kell." Mach started sniggering and Jordan had to laugh at the two of them. Things sure hadn't changed much while they were on the road. She sighed inwardly when Mach leaned over to plant a kiss on Kelly's temple before ruffling her hair. "Kell needs a haircut too, Jordan! Seeing that we're shouting you for a snorkelling trip, I think it wouldn't be too much to ask for you to glam her up a little, hard as that might be?" "Sometimes I think you're put in this world to annoy the shit outta me, Mach," Kelly muttered through her smile. "All right, all right, ladies, hairstyling first thing tomorrow morning!" Mach pumped her fist, mouthing "Yes!" as though she had had to convince Jordan to cut both their hair. "Everyone finished? " At their nods, she stood up, collected their plates, and went into the house. "How do you stand her?" Jordan leaned back in her seat. Kelly shrugged and smirked. "That's what makes her Mach, isn't it? She makes me laugh, even when I'm the joke. It just won't be the same if she started acting all nice and polite. I love her the way she is." "Aw, that's so sweet. You guys are lucky to have each other," Jordan said rather wistfully. She wasn't ready for a relationship or anything at the moment but she sure wouldn't mind falling in love (or lust) again. It had been a while since she felt her palms sweat, her throat go dry and her body buzz when she was around a particular person. The relationship bit gets boring and needs a lot of work but the beginnings of romance, she felt, was always perfect and thrilling. Yes, Jordan decided. She was going to subscribe to romance but not to relationship. 3 It was eight in the evening. Jordan couldn't believe how quickly the day had gone. They were at the Sapphire Bar after catching a series of short films at the Tropical Alternate Film Festival. She stared at her reflection in the Ladies and realized that she hadn't really looked at herself in a long time; or rather, she hadn't seen herself for a long time. Her reflection stared back at her, as though it was trying to commit her into its memories just in case she got lost again. Her ginger-red hair was straightened quite recently. This evening, she wore it down, a look she didn't go for too often, preferring to have it up while she worked. She didn't have much make-up on, just some lip gloss and mascara, and the simple top and fisherman's pants that she had on made her look more relaxed than she remembered feeling in a long time. Just then, someone entered the Ladies, shaking Jordan out of her reverie. She took one last glance at her reflection and exited the toilets. There were quite a number of women from the film festival at the bar. A few of them gave Jordan appreciative glances, making Jordan feel both self-conscious and flattered. She located Kelly and Mach quite easily. All three of them had drawn quite a fair bit of attention this evening. "Fresh meat," Mach had said to explain the phenomenon. Both their heads were bent in conversation so Jordan took this chance to observe them with their new hairdos. Mach had gotten her dark hair lightened in several places and a lot of its weight taken off. But Jordan might as well have done nothing to Mach's hair because Mach had it tucked under her baseball cap. Kelly, on the other hand, looked like a different person. At Kelly's request, Jordan had left her hair colour alone. Instead, she had given her a trim and braided her hair close to her scalp. The effect was astounding. With her hair out of her face permanently, none of Kelly's features were hidden anymore. Jordan had always thought that Kelly was spunky but with this new hairdo, she was striking. Mach's speechlessness when she saw Kelly after the hairstyling session was enough confirmation that Jordan had done well. Before she fully completed her trek to her companions, Jordan was ambushed by a young woman who looked to be in her early twenties. The woman's friends must have pushed her towards Jordan because she looked like she was trying to regain her balance after a shove. Jordan stepped back from her in reflex and her sandaled foot found someone else's. In a split second, Jordan found herself sandwiched between a young woman who was smiling at her nervously, apologizing for surprising her and asking her if she could get her a drink, and a warm wall of body behind her. "Oh, sorry," she said to the person behind her whose foot she had trodden on, relieved to see that the foot was housed in a sturdy looking leather boot. She looked back at the nervous girl before her and shrugged, not interested in her advance but not really wanting to reject the harmless looking girl. Then a voice said behind her, "You should get that drink and give it to me by way of apology for standing on my foot." Jordan swivelled around and came face to face with a rather handsome looking woman. "Standing on your foot?" The woman nodded, eyes twinkling. "Yup. And I'm having shots of tequila, thanks." At a loss for words, Jordan looked from one woman to the other. Then she told the woman in front of her that she was good with drinks before thanking her. She decided that the other woman deserved no reply and made her way back to Kelly and Mach without a second glance behind her. "Looks like someone's hot stuff," Mach teased Jordan the moment she sat herself down beside her. "Aw shuddup," Jordan shot back, lips twitching. "Not even two days in Cairns and already she's got the girls fighting over her. You didn't have a chance, Kell. Thank God I came along, huh. Otherwise you'd still be pining for Jordan." "The joke's so old it's not even funny anymore, Mach," Kelly informed her. "You ought to suss out new materials for your comedy routines, mate." They talked about Jordan's job and she told them how her one year contract with Studio Z would be up pretty soon. Sometimes she wondered if her busy schedule with Studio Z contributed to the break down of her relationship. This was the first time since she had started working for Studio Z that she was thinking about what she wanted in life. Slowing down and taking a step from your life really did have extraordinary (and unsettling) effects. It had never crossed her mind that she would choose not to renew the contract with the studio if they offered to keep her. She was turning twenty-eight this year. The twenty-eighth year was meant to be a big year with pivotal events. Maybe this was it. Maybe she had to start from scratch and try to figure out what it was that she wanted out of life. Maybe she had to take this time to see why her life had lost its meaning. Maybe everything that she had done up to this point had been a big, fat mistake. Maybe she was to blame for Haley not being in love with her anymore. But was she still in love with him? The tumultuous thoughts assaulted her without warning and after a while, it was all too much for Jordan. All those months of silence and suppression now gave way to a flood of emotions. Tears began prickling her eyes, its suddenness alarming and embarrassing her. "Jordan, what's wrong?" Kelly asked, peering at her friend in alarm. Jordan had seemed like she was having a good time up till this point. "God, I don't know!" Jordan said, dabbing at her eyes. The emotions welling up inside her chest was choking up her throat. She found it hard to speak without bawling. Abruptly, she got out of her seat and made a beeline for the toilet. Kelly looked to Mach. She wasn't sure which one of them should go after Jordan, if neither of them should go after Jordan, or if both of them should be there for her. "You go, babe. I'm real worried but I might end up sticking my foot in my mouth as usual so..." Mach said, glancing at Jordan's retreating back. The Sapphire Bar had a small toilet and it looked to be full. Jordan was nowhere in sight. Her worry mounting, Kelly backtracked to see if she could locate Jordan. She found her out back, sitting on a milk crate, sobbing. Not knowing what to say, or if she should say anything, Kelly merely stooped there beside her friend, letting her know that she was there without being intrusive. After a long while, Jordan calmed down and started laughing, making Kelly even more alarmed and confused as to what was happening. "Jordan?" she asked uncertainly, wondering if anyone had spiked Jordan's drink. "God, I'm sorry Kell. I'm okay. I just... I think I just needed a good cry after all this time. I didn't even think that I had anything bottled up inside me until I got here and spent time with you guys... you know, away from my life. Whew." Jordan fanned her hot face. Kelly nodded, thankful that Jordan hadn't snapped or anything like that. She stroke Jordan's hair. Jordan blew out another breath and swallowed. "Maybe it's time I re-evaluated my life and all that shit." "Yea well, take your time. You said your contract's gonna end soon. You know you're welcome at ours anytime. We might have to talk to Megan and work something out but you know we love you." Jordan gave Kelly a watery smile. "Thank you sweetie. I love you guys so much. Come on, let's go back. Mach'll be worried that I'm jumping your bones." It was a lame joke but it signalled that everything was going to be okay with Jordan. When they got home that night, Jordan tumbled into bed after a quick shower, knowing in the back of her head that something significant had occurred and, for better or worse, some changes were going to take place. 4 The Wharf wasn't too crowded that morning. The sky was grey and it had been drizzling on and off the entire night before. The air was chilly and James lowered his hoodie even more. The entire crew had arrived and they were all waiting to board the boat that the studio had hired for the filming of the music video. His eyes sought out Jordan. It annoyed him that everyone milling about had the same blue windbreaker on, making it difficult for him to pick Jordan out from the other staff. Finally, he spotted her talking to Henry. Her ginger-coloured hair was bundled up in a haphazard heap at the back of her head, miraculously held in place by a pen. She was smiling amicably at whatever Henry was saying. She looked the same but different; he couldn't quite put his finger on what had changed. Whatever it was, she still looked beautiful. Jordan had elegant lines: her face, her hair, her body. Sometimes he wondered if she flowed rather than walked. Somewhere during the time they started working together, he had fallen for her and he didn't know what to do about it. Maybe one day he would have the guts (and the time) to ask her out. Maybe having nine days on a boat with her (and almost fifty other crew members, of the studio and of the boat) would present him with an opportunity. He had tried to get away from his work obligations to hang out with Jordan after they had gotten to Cairns but there wasn't time. And when he finally got an evening free, Jordan had gone to the Tablelands with her cousin and hadn't been reachable until the day before. "All right people! Let's go!" Henry called out after talking to one of boat crew. Their equipment had been loaded and it seemed like they were going to be on schedule. It was a good start. They would sail for four days before reaching Thursday Island, where they would be spending a night on before returning to Cairns. After allocating everyone their cabins, Henry went in search of James to brief him on the day's activities. Jordan was to share a cabin with Stacy, a make-up artist. Their cabin had two single bunks, and a dressing table. Their toilet and shower was joined to the cabin next door to theirs. Their neighbours were most probably people from the boat crew because their toiletries were already on the small shelf above the sink and in the shower. She made a quick job of unpacking, then went for their first meeting onboard. An hour later saw Jordan stretching on deck. The boat had set sail and it felt amazing to see nothing but a sheet of blue around her. She still had her clipboard in her hand with her list of things to do and her scalp itched but all in all it was a perfect day. She turned to return to her cabin, craving a shower before work started. Her cabin was empty--good. Jordan picked out a change of clothes and opened the bathroom door. The bathroom, however, wasn't empty. She stared at the person in there for a long second, gasped her apology, then slammed the door shut. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, this time through a door. Her neighbour had slicked back dark hair, a towel around the waist, and a sexy, sunkissed body that was wet from the shower. A moment later, she heard a tapping on the bathroom door. She pulled it open gingerly. "Hey," her neighbour greeted. "It wasn't your fault. I forgot to lock the door on your side." Jordan wondered at the lowness of her neighbour's voice. Did females have voices that low, she wondered? Well apparently they did, because this person was definitely female. The woman was smiling lopsidedly at her. She had pulled on a t-shirt over the towel that was still wrapped around her waist and Jordan averted her eyes from the possibly bra-less chest. "Okay," she said, not knowing what else to say. "Okay. Well, it's all yours now. Uh. Feel free to use any of the stuff in there if you want," the woman offered. The woman looked vaguely familiar to Jordan but she couldn't place her. Shrugging the nagging thought aside, she smiled nervously. "Thanks." Jordan watched as the woman disappeared into the yawning crack that led to her room and blew out a breath. What had just happened, she wondered. Then she decided that her reaction was understandable. She was surprised and embarrassed to see a half-naked stranger. The memory of the body made her flush slightly. She made sure that she had both doors locked before slipping her clothes off. "Hey I was wondering if you wanna have a drink after dinner tonight," James said to a busy Jordan who was frowning as she tried to fix James' windblown hair. They wanted good looking windblown hair; how the hell do you keep it from looking good when the wind didn't cease to blow? "Uh... Jordan?" James tried again when he didn't get an answer. "Huh?" Jordan looked distracted. "Never mind," James sighed. He decided that he would seek her out during or after dinner. It wasn't as though she would have any prior engagements. "All right guys, let's do this again. James, Rach, I want you here. I'm going to zoom in..." Jordan tuned the voices out and hugged herself, feeling slightly cold. The music to the video was playing on the speakers. She decided to go in and make herself a cup of tea while her services weren't needed. Studio Z had hired a small-size cruise boat for their filming. Because they had to have a certain level of privacy and considerable space had to be taken up for the filming, they couldn't be booked on a commercial cruise. The Reef Princess had an upper and lower deck and a galley. The studio and boat crew shared the interior cabins that had no view of the ocean whereas the higher-up management and a selected few had ocean view cabins. James Beacon had the penthouse suite, the largest passenger cabin. There were two bars, one on each deck, and there were two spas on the upper deck. The cabin next to the galley, one that the boat crew generally used for their breaks, wasn't empty. Jordan made her tea quickly and was turning to exit the cabin when someone greeted her. It was her neighbour, fully clothed this time. "I'm Stefanie," the woman introduced herself. "This is Alex," she said, pointing to the woman with her. "Hi," Jordan replied with a smile. "I'm Jordan." She was invited to join them for tea but she declined. "Work calls," she said, rather regretfully. "Maybe another time," she added as a courtesy. "How about after your dinner?" Alex suggested. "We normally have drinks on the deck behind the galley. You're welcome to join us." Jordan hesitated. "Don't worry, Alex has a girlfriend," Stef said, somehow reading the reason for Jordan's hesitance accurately. Once again, Jordan was surprised to the point of slowness. "Um. Yea, I wasn't... I mean, I didn't mean..." Jordan blew out a breath and tried again. "Okay. I'll be there." "Great! Stef, on the other hand, does not have a girlfriend," Alex supplied helpfully, earning a slap on her arm. Jordan couldn't help the grin that engulfed her face. Alex reminded her of Mach a lot. She wondered if her girlfriend was anything like Kelly. "I'll see you guys later then," she said, ignoring Alex's comment deliberately. "Although I'm not entirely sure what time my dinner ends." "We'll be there," Alex promised with a wink. Stef shrugged her shoulders helplessly at Jordan's smirk and nod, then turned to her friend after Jordan left the cabin and made to circle her neck with her hands. Dinner was a rather grand affair that consisted of three courses. James kept looking for the right time to leave his table to approach Jordan. When he finally managed to do so, he couldn't find Jordan anywhere. Disappointed, then reenergized upon recalling that they were on a boat and Jordan had probably gone back to her cabin, James went in search of her. Jordan was, in fact, making her way from her cabin to the stern. She heard the music even before she saw anyone, assuring her that she wasn't too late. "Whoa, who's that?" Ryan elbowed his mate. "Damn, there are so many hot chicks on this trip. We better start workin our charms!" Jordan looked around nervously. It wasn't too big a gathering; there were about ten people scattered about with drinks in their hands. None of them were Alex or Stef, though. "Hey lady, you made it!" Jordan swivelled around and smiled at an exuberant Alex, relieved. "Yea, I did." "Got a drink?" Jordan shook her head no. She took a cup that Alex offered her gratefully. She took a sip and almost choked on the 90% tequila, 10% lemonade mix. "Private stash. Don't tell anyone," Alex whispered conspiratorially. "Are you trying to get her drunk?" A new voice that was quickly becoming familiar to Jordan said. "Do you want me to get you another drink? Beer? More lemonade? Just lemonade?" "Um. Yea. Beer would be good, actually. This is way too strong for me," she said, passing the cup to Stef. "But thanks anyway," she said to Alex. Jordan sat with Alex and Stef, got introduced to the boat crew who were present, sipped on her beer and danced. She felt herself wondering how Stef's kiss would taste like, if her body was soft as well as hard, whether she was slow or urgent when she fucked. The thoughts flustered her but turned her on at the same time. Maybe all she needed was a good shag to clear her head and mark a new beginning. Stef walked with Jordan back to the cabins. Alex had cooked up some excuse to not join them--she shared Stef's cabin--and was preparing herself for a night on the couch in the recreational room which was also known as the "rec room". "It was very nice to meet you, Jordan," Stef said, when they reached Jordan's cabin. Not wanting the night to end like this, Jordan said, "I'm not really sleepy yet. Since Alex isn't gonna be back for a bit, you wanna hang out in your cabin until she gets back?" "I actually have to get up really early tomorrow morning," Stef lied. "Oh," Jordan said, rather disappointed. "Okay then." They stood there in the narrow corridor looking at each other, suddenly remembering that they had only known each other for a few hours. Stef had to curb the urge to lean over and press her lips against Jordan's and Jordan was wondering if she should kiss the other woman already. "Jordan, is that you?" Stacy's voice floated out of the cabin, jarring their thoughts. "Yea," Jordan said to the cabin door, annoyance hammering at her. "Goodnight lady," Stef said easily, taking one step back from her previously perilous position. "Maybe you'd like to come join us again tomorrow night. You're totally welcome." "Goodnight Stef." Determined not to let the chance slip away completely, Jordan leaned forward and aimed a kiss at Stef's lips. It missed the mark and landed just below her lips. "Uh, goodnight," Stef repeated herself. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and made to return to her cabin. The two cabin doors shut at the same time with a soft click. 5 After the first night of hanging out with Stef and Alex, Jordan wore out her memory of her first kiss of Stef's chin. She played and replayed the scene in her head, sometimes grinning at it, other times cringing at it, and a few times cringed while grinning at the memory, depending on the aspect she was viewing it from. She was tempted to look for them again the next night when dinner wrapped up but James found her first. A few times during their quiet conversation on the deckchairs, Jordan wondered when and why she had decided that a shag with Stef and not James was what she wanted. Then it made sense to separate business with pleasure; sleeping with James would be a highly messy affair, whereas she could choose never to see Stef again after the week and a half on the boat. And it also made sense to introduce new elements into her life (i.e. sleep with a woman) to start off a new chapter in her life. "How long have your cousin and her girlfriend been together?" James asked conversationally. Surprised at the turn the conversation had taken, Jordan took a moment to answer him. "A year or two I think." Then she recalled that they had started seeing each other when Haley and she were starting out themselves. "Almost two years," she said more confidently. "I'd really like to meet them," he said, his hair rustling in the light breeze. "Maybe when we get back to Cairns we can have dinner together one night. I think I have a couple of days to myself." Jordon nodded. "Sure, I'll ask them." "So, tell me something about you that I don't know," James said. Put on a spot, nothing came to her mind. There were so many things James didn't know about her. Why was he inquiring? This was starting to feel suspiciously like a date and it made Jordan a little nervous. She didn't want to fall in love. She wanted something annonymous, something hot and physical, something that James couldn't give her because they worked together and just had too much professional connections. "I'm getting tired, James. It's getting cold and we have an early start tomorrow. Do you think we could continue this conversation another time?" If James was disappointed, he didn't show it. He nodded and smiled in his dreamy manner and stood up. He reached out a hand to help Jordan up. She didn't reject it but let go of it the moment she was upright. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Sweet dreams," James said. "Goodnight." Not wanting to go to bed just yet but not wanting to socialize anymore, Jordan decided to hang out in the rec room as Stacy was in their cabin. The rec room was dark save the flickering light from the television. A few people were already there watching a DVD. Jordan saw that the movie had just started and quickly picked a spot on the floor to sit. She leaned back on the couch and tried to make herself comfortable with a cushion that she found beside her. "Popcorn?" A low whisper from her left asked. She reached out for some of the proffered snack and whispered her thanks. "Is that you, Jordan?" Her heart skipped a beat when she realized that Stef was sitting beside her. "Hey." She was suddenly aware of the proximity of their bodies, a knowledge that sent her senses buzzing slightly. Jordan fidgeted through the movie self-consciously; every movement she made was magnified to herself. Halfway through the movie, a tingle shot down her side when Stef's lips came close to her ear to whisper, "Are you uncomfortable? Do you want me to shift?" Her senses screamed: kiss her! It would be so easy to close the gap between them, grab that angular face with her hands, run her fingers through that unruly mob of dark hair that stood up everywhere, and lose herself in a string of kisses. But she didn't. There were people around them. She wouldn't feel comfortable. "Is it okay if I lean on you?" she whispered back instead. "Sure." Jordan had thought that if she was given the permission to touch Stef, she wouldn't feel awkward about wanting to touch her, thereby eliminating the crazy buzzing of senses. But having the sides of her arm and thigh against Stef's warm body made her acutely aware of the woman beside her and distracted her quite completely from the movie. "Well it's goodnight again," Stef said when they were outside Jordan's cabin. This time, almost as though she was afraid that history would repeat itself, Stef turned on her heels quite abruptly and went back to her cabin before Jordan could say anything. Not sure whether to be amused or stung, Jordan let herself into her cabin and felt her way to her bed. There, she lay tossing and turning for a long time before she fell asleep, completely exhausted. 6 Kelly wheeled her bike to the back of the house and locked it against a bike rack. She unclipped her helmet and entered the house, heading straight for the kitchen for some cold water. It had been an unbearably hot and humid day and she felt dehydrated. She saw the note on the refridgerator left by Mach stating that she was going to be at the Auslan class that she had signed up for that evening. Kelly glanced at the time and contemplated having beans and toast for dinner. "Why hello there, little man," she murmured when Jordie leapt onto the kitchen bench. He meowed at her and shut his eyes in pleasure when she scratched his favourite spot behind his ear. "Are you hungry already? It's only six. Did you have a good day?" Jordie yawned and settled himself on the bench, looking at her as she drank more water. The door clicked open and Jordie leapt off the bench immediately to investigate the sound. When he saw Megan, he rubbed his body against her leg in greeting. "Hello, hello! Oh, Kelly! How're you going?" Megan looked frazzled as always. She stormed into the house and laid down a few bags of grocery. Her blonde hair had escaped the elastic band that was supposed to confine them and her sunnies were slipping off the top of her head. "I am so tired! Wanna get takeaway? I'll ring 'em now. I'm starving!" Kelly nodded and Megan plucked a Thai takeaway menu from the fridge door. It was a ritual that she went through, knowing that she would end up ordering the same thing anyway. Granted, she hadn't had takeaway as much after Kelly and Mach moved in. They seemed to like to cook and she felt more inclined to cook herself when it wasn't just for herself. "Will Mach be home?" she asked, not looking up from the menu. Her sunnies dropped onto her lap and she put it aside absentmindedly. "Nope." "All right. Phone! Do you know what you want, Kelly?" Megan asked belatedly. Kelly picked up the menu and scanned through it. Megan was already spouting her order to the woman at the end of the line. Kelly pointed out her order to Megan, feeling slightly stressed at the speed Megan was at. "I'm gonna take a shower, there's some money on the counter for when the delivery guy gets here." With that, Megan exited the lounge area, leaving Kelly feeling almost breathless. She pulled her hair loose from the elastic band as she bounded up the stairs. "When have I gotten this slow, Jordie?" Kelly asked her cat. Jordie looked at her in disbelief, as though saying, "When were you ever fast--mentally or otherwise?" "Oh, fine, be that way, snob me. I don't know why I keep you and Mach around sometimes." Jordie's ear perked up at the sound of Mach's name, then he flipped himself to face away from Kelly, as though he didn't think he should give Mach--or the mention of her--any time of the day. His action tickled Kelly and she walked over to nuzzle Jordie. He put up with the affection for a second, no longer. Then he was up and away, looking for another cool spot to lie down in. When Mach got home that night, she found Kelly and Megan parked in front of the telly, feet drawn up. Takeaway boxes littered the coffee table. She padded over to the armchair that Kelly was on to give her a kiss. "Hey," Kelly said distractedly. "I saved you a fishcake." "Ah thanks babe." Mach grabbed the paper bag on the coffee table and sat on the rug in front of the armchair. She smiled into the bag when she felt Kelly stroking her hair absentmindedly. It felt good to be home. The advertisements came on, breaking Megan and Kelly out of their trance. "Hey Mach," Megan greeted after muting the television. "Haven't you had dinner already? It's close to nine!" Megan was looking a lot more relaxed after a filling dinner and a long shower. Her hair was pulled into a neat ponytail and looked a lot tamer than before. From where she was standing, Mach could smell the scent of the shampoo or bathing gel that she used emanating off her. Mach nodded. "I did. But I never say no to Thai fishcake. How was your day, ladies?" "It was too hot and humid. Work was unbearable!" Megan worked at a nursery and had spent the day trying to avoid lugging things around, a feat that was near impossible. Suddenly all the customers decided that they wanted big bags of fertilizers, gigantic terracotta pots and the likes. "I can't bear it when the weather gets this way." "Ah, times like these I'm glad I work in an office with air-conditioning," Mach said. "Times like these I wish I could be out sailing instead of washing canoes and kayaks at the yacht club," Kelly said morosely. Mach turned around. "Ooh, do I hear whinging? Kelly's whinging..." she said in a sing-song voice. "Oh God Megan, I can't believe Mach just came back from a sign language class. Now, even if she loses her voice, she'd still be able to converse!" Kelly said over Mach's head, slapping a hand on her forehead dramatically. "Hey!" Mach protested. "Look at you two squabbling away," Megan said indulgently. "You make me wish I have a lady." "When you have one, you'll wish you don't. That's how I feel about Mach all the time," Kelly said. "What is this, Bash Mach's Ego Up Day?" Mach enquired. "No, that'll be when Jordie single-pawedly defeats you in a catfight. Again." "Hey!" Mach got up and loomed over her girlfriend, amused by but unused to the verbal assault; she was even more unused to not having any comebacks. "I've had a long day. Be nice!" Megan was almost doubled over laughing at their antics. Kelly had to chuckle at Mach's mock-indignant face. "Aw, come here." She gave her a quick kiss on her lips and smiled. "Wanna watch some inane television programme with us?" Mach nodded, pouting. Megan shook her head at the duo, trying to recall the fun times that she herself had had when she was in love. There were many occasions of course, but these days she was rather settled in her solitude. She frequently thought about the last relationship that she had and how it ended because she needed to be her own person again; and she wanted Faulks to do the same. It had been almost a year since the relationship had ended. Faulks had taken it a lot harder than Megan did and Megan had wanted to give her the time and space to transition. Therefore, she hadn't attempted to contact her at all during this time, believing that it was better for the both of them to make it a clean break. It had been a few months since she had heard from Faulks though. Faulks was normally the one who sent her occasional text messages; sometimes she responded, most of the time she didn't. She wondered how her ex was doing and if she should give her a call to get together, hang out, and possibly form a friendship. Mach and Kelly's laughter broke Megan out of her reverie. Megan adjusted herself on the armchair and focussed on the programme on the television; it blanked her mind and pushed all her thoughts into a little alcove at the back of her head. Soon, she laughed along with Kelly and Mach. Kelly crawled into her bed and yawned. Jordie was already snoozing away at the foot of her bed. Watching him for a while made her feel even more sleepy. She pulled off her shirt, letting the wind from the oscillating fan in her room cool her body. She hadn't been practising her guitar since Jordan arrived. She promised herself that she would spend an extra hour on it the next evening. Her mind wandered to Rob, the boy whom she was taking guitar lessons from. Rob was a few years older than her--hardly a boy anymore, but she liked calling him that--and was heaps cool. He had a head of dreads and an eyebrow piercing and a penchant for black clothing. He had a really cute smile too. They had gotten along really well from the get go. Neither of them liked to talk too much but their silences were never punctuated with awkwardness. They would chill out on Rob's couch in the backyard of his shared house while Rob taught her guitar chords. Some days, he would be in the mood to talk, and would share stories of his life before he got to Cairns about a year back. Kelly felt inexperienced and virginal compared to him. He made her want to see more of the world, to live her life differently, to reach for the stars knowing that everything was possible. Sometimes she would catch herself looking at Rob for extended periods of time, searching his face for something that she couldn't place her finger on. Thinking that, Kelly let her hand trail her topless torso idly. Her eyes snapped open when she realized what she was doing and she buried her face in her pillow, a little confused and ashamed. Pushing all thoughts out of her head, Kelly forced herself to sleep. 7 Jordan was beginning to get used to the timelessness of being on a cruise, as well as the swaying motion to which she had to adjust her sense of balance. And she liked that she only had to climb a flight of stairs to be at work. Sharing the cabin with Stacy wasn't too bad; she hardly felt the need to socialize past the Hi's and How Are You Today's. Tonight, she had snuck back to their cabin after dinner, feeling like she needed some alone time. Even though she was pretty much on her own most of the day, the space onboard the boat was limited and it felt exhausting to be in the presence of at least one human every second of the day. Being on her own gave her the space that she needed to think about the events that had transpired over the last few days. Three days on the boat felt like a month because of the continuity of time. Jordan wasn't quite sure what had gotten into her but she couldn't and wasn't going to deny her attraction to Stef. Clearly--or so Jordan thought--Stef was interested in her too, but she wasn't going to make any moves and that lack of action was driving Jordan a little crazy. She was used to people making moves on her; she only ever had to react. But now it seemed as though nothing was going to happen unless she did something about it. The question was: Did she want anything to happen? Well, she could have a little fling. Then she'd get off the boat and leave Cairns with a memory of a perfect fling with a hot woman on a boat. For her, sex with a new person always marked the end of thoughts about the last person she had sex with. The next question was: Was that worth her making a move on someone? And what if she did? She wouldn't have a clue as to what she was supposed to do with a woman in bed. Feeling slightly frustrated with herself, Jordan decided that she would leave things as they were. Soon enough the cruise would come to an end and this timeless, almost fantastical feeling, would be swallowed by reality. That night, Jordan was asleep before nine. She didn't even stir when Stacy entered the cabin. Jordan woke up to another beautiful day. The blue of the sky looked impenetrable. No clouds marred its perfect smoothness. The wind was steady and the sun was relentless. Jordan squinted behind her sunnies and worried about not putting on enough sunscreen for the umpteenth time. She really wasn't sure why they needed her on the boat at all. With the wind blowing almost all the time, any styling that she did was for nothing. But she wasn't going to complain about it; she was getting paid to go on a cruise. That afternoon, they were going ashore. She could not wait to get her own room, even if it was just for a night. Having to share the tiny cabin with another person was beginning to make her feel claustrophobic. Right now, they were shooting James and Rachel in the water. They were at Ribbon Reef No. 5 and it was meant to be spectacular. After the filming was done, the staff were allowed to take a dip and go snorkeling too, if they wished. "All right, whoever wants to go snorkeling, please follow the deckhand to get the snorkeling gear!" someone instructed. Cheers sounded. Most of the staff were excited about being able to jump in the magnificent looking water that absolutely glittered. Jordan still wasn't sure if she was up to it though. "Hey missy, how you goin? You comin?" Alex asked. "I don't know... I can't really swim very well..." she explained. "No worries, we have life jackets for ya. Some of the boat crew will be there too and all of them are good swimmers. I'll keep a lookout for ya, I promise." Buoyed by Alex's words, Jordan nodded. Soon, they were seated in the speedboat with their gear, heading towards the snorkeling spot, where James and Rachel already were. Alex rattled off a few safety rules and general tips on getting water out of snorkeling masks to the ten people in the boat. As the small-sized cruise boat only held two speedboats and the other speedboat was already out where James and Rachel were, Alex was going to take the cameramen and their gear back to the boat before bringing another load of passengers back to the snorkeling spot. Jordan took a deep breath and tried to remember what Alex said about tilting her head back and blowing out with her nose if water got into her snorkeling mask. The life jacket that she had on made her feel a little safer. "Okay, everyone. Make sure you look after each other," Alex said when they reached the other speedboat. "The deckhand on the other speedboat is called Ryan. Give him a wave if you're in trouble. Don't wander too far from the speedboat. I'll be right back in a sec with more crew and you can wave to me too if you need to come back up. Just remember: don't panic. Keep visible and have fun. It is amazing down there." It took Jordan quite some time before she could calm her nerves down in the water. Her mask had almost come off when she jumped into the water, almost giving her a panic attack. She had to kick her way to the other speedboat to adjust her mask and tube. "Are you okay?" the deckhand asked. Jordan had already forgotten what his name was. She shook her head in the negative, trying not to let panic overtake her. "Do you want me to help you up?" Jordan removed her tube and mask and panted. "Um, I just need to put them back on properly again," she said. She was already in the water. She might as well go have a look, she decided. It took a few minutes but Jordan eventually felt that she was ready to attempt snorkeling again. "Don't worry," the deckhand said, "I'll keep a lookout for ya. And Alex is back with a few boat crew. They'll look after ya," he said. Jordan tried to smile but found that she couldn't do that while she was biting on the tube. She calmed her breathing and let go of the ladder that was attached to the speedboat, ready to give it another go. Someone swam up beside her. "Hey." Jordan felt better when she saw James. She gave him a feeble wave. "Wanna see something cool? There's a clam on the reef. C'mon, I'll show ya." She followed him bravely. After the initial scare, it actually felt really nice to be in the water. Jordan pressed her mask close to her face and looked into the water. Everyone was right: it was amazing. The water was clear and the reef was gorgeous. Jordan couldn't believe the colours around her. It made her dizzy trying to see everything at once. Small fishes darted in front of her. She reached out her hand to touch them, only to clutch water. After a while, she started laughing to herself, thrilled to be there. James went deeper into the water and pointed to something on the reef. Jordan squinted from where she was and saw what he was pointing at. She felt silly at how happy it made her to see a clam. And James was off again, beckoning for her to follow him, eager to show her more sights that he had discovered in his time there. She tried to keep up but water had leaked into her mask. Remembering what Alex had taught her, she tilted her head up and blew out with her nose. The water trickled out of her mask; it was that easy. With her newfound power of being able to get water out of her mask, Jordan felt a lot less nervous. She pressed her mask close to her face again and looked around to see where was. She wasn't too far from the two speedboats; Alex and the other deckhand were on the lookout for everyone in the water. Jordan resumed her viewing of the reef, wondering where James had swum to. With her head in her water, Jordan could only hear her own breathing. Time did not exist. She was a miniscule thing in the vast waters, an intruder who needed all these pieces of plastic in order to breathe. She bumped into Stacy, who gave her a wave. Then she saw Stef swimming towards some large and colourful fishes. Stef must have arrived with the second load of crew. She kicked with her flippers, propelling herself towards the woman. The fishes were purple and blue and green, spotted, and almost half the length of Stef, inclusive of her flippers. Jordan stared, unable to bring herself to go closer to the fishes but enchanted by the sight of them. Stef must have caught sight of her because she started coming towards her. Jordan waved. Stef motioned for Jordan to come with her but Jordan used her hand to wave no. Stef pointed upwards and Jordan lifted her head out of the water. "Alex said you're a little nervous. Don't be. I'll keep you safe," Stef said. "Just take my hand. I promise, it'll be okay. If you get scared, just squeeze my hand twice, like this." Stef took Jordan's hand in hers and demonstrated. Jordan looked at Stef, then acquiesced. "Okay." Stef took Jordan to where the large fishes were circling a part of the reef. Jordan's heart was thundering in her ears. Even though she was above them and was probably really quite a distance from them in actual fact, the water made them seem closer. So there they were, quite in the middle of nowhere--nowhere that Jordan could pinpoint, at least--watching colourful fishes weave in and out of the reef. The world was silent and surreal and beautiful. Words could not begin to describe how beautiful it was. Jordan felt closer to the people whom she shared her sacred experience with that afternoon. They had all seen a slice of heaven. An hour and a half had gone by in a flash; she, who was so hesitant about getting into the water was loathed to get out of it. "My cousin was right. That was worth drowning for," she said, when they returned to the cruise boat. James smiled. "She took the words right outta my mouth." "That was... that was amazing. Actually, 'amazing' doesn't even cover it. Nothing does," Jordan raved. "It's like time stops when you're in there. You're this spectator, this voyeur, looking in on all these beautiful creatures. And the reef." James and Jordan sighed simultaneously. They weren't the only ones going on about what they had just seen. Similar threads of conversation were floating around the small speedboat. Someone claimed that they were following a shark and then chickened out when the shark that they were following met another shark. "One's fine. No, wait, swimming behind one is fine. But having one come towards you..." He shook his head. They were a few hours from the island. The studio crew had to work when they got there; they were shooting a night scene at a restaurant overlooking the water. But between now and then, there was lunch and a few hours of free time awaiting them. Jordan got out of her wet bikinis and into dry clothes quickly. The shower was in use and since Alex hadn't been in the water, it had to be Stef in there. Then Stacy knocked on the cabin door and entered. "How beautiful was that!" Stacy gushed. Jordan nodded her agreement but she wasn't as enthusiastic as before. Lethargy had seeped into her limbs after an hour and a half of being in the water. After a quick meal of soup, sandwich and salad, Jordan excused herself from the table. James watched her go, wondering if he should follow her to strike up a conversation. It just wasn't his style to actively pursue someone, though. The few times that he had attempted to hang out with her had not gone very well. He knew very well that if the attraction wasn't mutual, there was no point pushing it. Jordan decided to take a nap before they reached the island. She wasn't sure how long the filming was going to be when they got to the island and she didn't want to be out of it. She bumped into Stef who was scrubbing the deck. They smiled hello. "You guys staying at the Grand Hotel tonight?" Jordan asked. Stef shook her head no. "Nah, it's too expensive. We crash on the boat or somewhere cheaper." "Oh." Jordan felt a little disappointed at that bit of information. "Will you be coming to the island at all?" "Alex will be. We're kinda out of our, uh, secret stash." Jordan smiled. "I'm not sure when I'll be done and if there's still gonna be a boat going to the island when I'm done." Aware that she probably sounded as though she didn't want to hang out with Jordan, Stef quickly added, "But I'll try my best to get there. I mean, you know, it'll be cool to hang out if you don't have plans. We could secretly make a fire and get pissed on the beach or something. Maybe I'll bring my fishing rod with me and I can go fishing tomorrow morning before we head back to the boat." Once she started with the possibilities, Stef was on a roll. "If we're lucky, we could have barbequed fish tomorrow morning for breakfast! Mm..." She leaned on the broom handle, her eyes falling shut dreamily. "Well I better get back to work if I wanna do any of that," Stef said. She quickly soaped up the broom again and resumed her scrubbing of the deck a lot more energized than before. "I'll see you later then." "See ya." Stef paused in her scrubbing to watch Jordan's retreating back. Even though they had only been in the water together, sharing the amazing experience of the ribbon reef a mere hour or so ago, it felt like a different lifetime altogether. There, it had just been Jordan and herself, linked by their hands, and the reef splayed out before them. No words were needed. But now that they were removed from that, there were expectations, thoughts, second guessings, hopes and disappointments. That was why she preferred to be down there than up here. There, the individual did not matter. There were no Why's and How's, just What Is. Stef opined that when you were snorkeling, you existed in that moment as a sentient creature with no past or future, hopes or expectations, where your sole purpose in life was to look and be filled with wonder. It made everything simple, which was the way life was supposed to be. 8 "Hey Mach." "Hm?" Kelly and Mach were sitting in their usual spot under the tree in the garden. Mach had her Auslan textbook on her lap and was practising signing while Kelly was strumming her guitar softly, trying out a technique of changing chords that Rob had taught her the day before. The air had cooled down considerably after the sun had set. Both girls had their hoodies on. "Are you free to talk or am I disturbing you?" "Yea I'm good. Wassup?" "I was just thinking about that ex of yours... you know, the one you cheated on. Did you... I mean, were you not in love with her anymore or what was the deal?" Mach put her textbook down on the ground and shifted in her seat. "I think I was just being an idiot. I was never good with relationships, never wanted to be in them, so I always took the easy way out." "Sleeping with someone else behind your girlfriend's back is the easy way out?" "Well. Kinda. I mean. Then I won't have to do the whole sensitive chat thing and stuff. They hate me and we stop seeing each other. You know. Easy." It was definitely nothing like what she was experiencing at the moment with her attraction to Rob, Kelly thought. She didn't want to sleep with Rob or anything and neither was she not in love with Mach anymore. "Why?" Kelly shrugged. "Nothing, just wondering." She snuck a peek at Mach as she resumed her signing. She really liked being with Mach. Mach was funny, intelligent, sarcastic, obnoxious even. But most of all, Mach made her feel all nice and warm inside when she was around her, like she didn't need anything or anyone else. She loved the way Mach would trace her body with her fingertips, the way their bodies seemed to fit, and how sex was still hot and sweaty and occasionally mindblowing after all this time. She was curious about how different sex might be with someone else but the curiosity went as far as that. She didn't feel compelled to try sleeping with someone else at all. Glad that she had come to that conclusion at least, Kelly resumed her guitar practice. "Hey Kell." Now it was Kelly's turn to look up. "Hm?" "Wanna sleep in the shed tonight?" Kelly frowned, trying to look as though she was considering her answer. "Why?" "Cos I miss ya, that's why." Mach really liked that even though they have been together for almost two years now, they were still their own persons. They kept their own interests, appreciated each other's passions and pursued new things to learn and do. They spent time together but not excessively--that is, apart from being on the road together--and she was hardly, if ever, bored being with Kell. That was what held them together, she reckoned, because God knows she's got a low attention span. "I was gonna do that anyways," Kell said finally. "Presumptuous, aren't you." "No, cos I miss you too." Mach grinned sweetly at Kelly and signed something to her. "I got the I Love You bit," Kelly said, "but what was all that after?" "Kelly." Kelly grinned. "Oh, cool. Teach me how to do 'Mach'." Mach rose a brow. "Oh, you know how to do Mach." Kelly groaned, but had to laugh. "Teach me how to sign 'Mach'." Mach always did have a gutter brain and it was very endearing. Kelly placed Frankie the guitar on the ground beside her and went to straddle Mach. "Comfy? Okay, this is 'M'..." Jordie leapt into the garden, spied his mistress laughing with the tall, dark, evil woman whom he had grudgingly come to accept was going to be around for a while, tossed his head and headed into the house. In the lounge, he found the other, nicer lady splayed across the couch with a glass in her hand and soft music playing in the background. He watched for a moment as she brought the glass to her lips, then resumed his trek to the armchair. An effortless leap later, he was curled up in the seat of the chair, blinking at the lazy smile which was directed at him. He looked away and proceeded to lick his paw. Megan drained her glass of wine and reached over to top herself up. The Cello Suite No. 5 in C Minor soothed her and she floated along with the notes. She had left a message on Faulks' answering machine that evening and was wondering when--or if--she would get a reply. Shrugging inwardly, Megan closed her eyes to the music, wondering if it was time that she started dating again. It never really made sense to her, what she had wanted at the time she initiated the break up. Over time, though, she realized that she enjoyed being on her own and didn't want to merge with her partner--something that a lot of couples end up doing. It was only after hanging out with her housemates that she began thinking about contacting her ex again. Mach and Kelly made it seem to easy to just be themselves even though they were together. The time apart from Faulks had seen her grow more sure of herself as an individual. The twenty minute track ended and Megan sighed into her empty wineglass. Maybe it was time she started dating again. 9 The island wasn't all that spectacular but the place that the studio had booked them into was quite something. Shortly after the staff checked in to their rooms, they all got ready for an evening of filming. The evening went by quickly enough. After days of having James' new single playing on repeat mode while they were filming, most of the staff had the song perpetually stuck in their heads. Jordan was no exception. This night, the song was playing again as they stood around a tent that was set up on the beach. The amber glow of the sunset, the soft breeze and the gentle crashing of the waves created the romantic atmosphere that the director was after. Wistful smiles played around some of the more romantic staff's mouths. Four hours later, Jordan was clinking her glass of champagne with a number of her colleagues. Most of the filming was done; they probably had one or two more days of work left on the boat on their way back to Cairns but they were mostly solo shots of James singing along to his song. "Hey, you were fantastic," Jordan said to James. "Ah, thanks. Everyone did a great job," he said modestly. "You're a nice guy, James." "Ouch. Nice guys never get the girl, huh," James had to say. He wasn't sure why he said it; now he couldn't hide behind the veil of nonchalance. Jordan could feel a blush rising in her cheeks. "Uhm." She didn't know what to say. "I think you're really sweet, James..." "But..." James continued for her, anticipating what was coming. "But," Jordan said, then stopped. She didn't know what came after that, or if anything had to; she only knew that it was there. James took a second to realize that that was that. He felt slightly foolish, having openly expressed his interest and got shot down. "I'm not looking for anything right now. I think I've only just started getting used to and liking being on my own," Jordan said hurriedly, not wanting James to think that there was anything wrong with him. "Okay, fair enough," James said, feeling slightly better. "Good things come to those who wait, right?" Jordan didn't reply, not knowing what to say to that. She felt very flattered but also slightly awkward. Changing the subject, James asked about the possibility of hanging out with Jordan's cousin and her girlfriend when they returned to Cairns. "I have a few days before I have to leave for Sydney. You'll be hanging out in Cairns for a bit too, aren't you?" Jordan nodded. James noticed immediately how warm she became at the mention of her cousin. "Sure, it'll be fun." James finished his champagne and they continued their light-hearted conversation. James could not shake his attraction towards the woman seated next to him. Her slender wrist, the unconscious flick of her hand when a strand of her annoyed her, the curve of her lips when she smiled. He decided there and then that he would take it slow with Jordan. She was a good thing that he was willing to work and wait for. The boat crew's party was at another part of the beach. Jordan laughed at the crazy antics of some of the galley staff. Jordan and a few other studio staff who had taken to hanging out with the boat crew had snuck away from the resort to come to this party. She looked around for Stef or Alex and found them in the middle of a ring of cheering onlookers. Stef was on her knees with the end of a rubber tube in her mouth and Alex was pouring beer down a funnel that was stuck in the other end of the tube. "Oh my god." Jordan gasped at the sight. "What the hell?" she commented to the person next to her. Ryan, one of the chefs on the boat, laughed. "Wanna go next?" "No! I mean, no thanks. I'm on the bubbly tonight." Jordan prided herself in thinking up such a good excuse in her inebriated state. Stef did not manage to get all the beer down quick enough and ended up sputtering and choking at the end. "Oh Christ," she said when she finally could breathe again. "I think I almost drowned in beer." Alex and a few others who heard her started laughing as though it was funniest thing in the world. Stef had to steady herself before she could stand up. "Hey this chick's next!" someone in the crowd shouted just as Stef was about to make her way out of the ring of people. Everything was a blur for a moment, then Stef felt someone step on her foot and she reached out automatically to steady the person. "Hey, you didn't havta push me, I said no!" Jordan said, irritated. "Uhm, lady, that's my foot you're standing on." Jordan whipped her head around, blue eyes flashing. Then she stopped, her alcoholic haze lifting slightly. "You. You were that woman that night at the pub," she spurted out before looking slightly surprised at what she said. Why would she recall such a thing at this moment? It was totally random. Stef's eyes rounded. "Huh? Hey, it's you, Jordan. You're purty." Stef looked completely smashed. She was half drenched--with beer, no doubt--and she looked as though she was trying her best to remain upright. She gave Jordan a goofy smile which drew Jordan's eyes to her lips. "What the hell," Jordan said before wrapping her arms around Stef's broad shoulders and pressed her lips against Stef's. Stef stumbled but her body reacted instantly and she returned the kiss obligingly. More shouts sounded but neither women were aware of it, thanks to the alcohol coursing through their bloodstream. Soft lips, tongues, liquid warmth. It felt like an eternity and a split second. "So, you wanna crash in my room tonight?" Jordan asked after they broke apart, her voice slightly husky. Stef looked at Jordan stupidly. "Uhm..." It felt as though she had only just caught on that she had shared a kiss with Jordan. "Okay." They stumbled into Jordan's room quite noisily and tried to stifle their giggles. Stef cupped the back of Jordan's neck and pulled her closer. Lips and tongues met, teeth scraped, a moan sounded: Stef wasn't sure from whom it emanated. Everything was happening in a blurring speed and the patchy consciousness that she had thanks to the alcohol didn't help things at all. Jordan pulled at Stef's shirt and flung it behind her somewhere when it came off. She palmed the warm body and paused curiously at the breasts. "Um, I don't really know what to do," Jordan confessed after they tripped and tumbled into bed. It took Stef a while to process what Jordan just said. "Oh. Uh. What do you do with a boy?" Jordan frowned. She rolled herself on top of Stef because lying on her side was starting to make her feel dizzy. "Normally by this time, we'd be fucking." "Oh." Stef took a moment, then said, "Really?" She eased Jordan off of her and sat up. Then she pulled Jordan over so that Jordan was straddling her. They kissed again, then Stef began nuzzling Jordan's neck. Jordan gasped when she felt teeth scrape against the tender spot below her ear. She felt blood rush from the spot to her clit. More articles of clothing were removed. By the time Jordan was naked, she was soaking wet and would have been quite embarrassed if she didn't have all that alcohol in her body. The woman against her excited her more than she could ever imagine. She felt her nipples tingle and her body arch as fingers plunged into her. The maddening pressure on her clit--how the hell did Stef know exactly where to touch?--made her moan quite shamelessly. The heated breath on her neck was punctuated by scrapings of teeth that added to her mindless pleasure. When Jordan finally screamed her release, her forehead and body was slick with sweat. She clutched at an equally sweaty Stef and moaned. They fell onto the bed, exhausted. "Fuck, that was amazing," Jordan murmured, her eyes closed. Stef smiled, too drunk and tired to reply. "What about you?" Jordan was sated and would love nothing more than to sleep but she had to ask. "Just sleep," Stef managed to mumble. Within seconds, they were asleep. When Stef awoke the next morning, she felt like dying. Trying not to wake Jordan, she stumbled out of bed and made a beeline for the bathroom. After squeezing some of the complimentary toothpaste into her mouth, rinsing it, and scrubbing her face, Stef felt an iota better. Then she jumped into the shower, moaning silently as hot water hit her body. A few minutes later, coherent thought returned to her. Several images from the night before assaulted her mind, making her pulse race and certain bits of her anatomy twitch. "Ah fuck," she mumbled into the spray of water. But still she couldn't help the grin that shaped her lips. "Just can't stay out of trouble, can ya, Stef?" "Just don't end up falling for her," she said to herself. Stef turned off the shower and towelled herself dry. Then she wrapped the towel around her waist and stepped out of the bathroom, trying to be as silent as possible. Stef looked at the slumbering Jordan, then wondered at her reaction when she woke up. Suddenly, Stef was torn between leaving the room before Jordan awoke and crawling back into bed. A groan sounded from under the rumpled sheets. Stef waited to see what would happen. Jordan shifted in bed, opened her eyes, then saw Stef. "Hey," she mumbled sleepily. Stef was relieved to see the faint smile on her face. "Hey." Stef considered putting on her t-shirt from the night before but the sour smell of beer that still clung to it made her feel sick. Standing half naked made her feel vulnerable, so she made her way back to the bed and slid under the covers with her towel. "Did you sleep okay?" Jordan asked as she inched closer to Stef and finally rested her head on Stef's stomach. "You smell nice--all shampoo-ey and stuff. Jordan could hear the low rumble of Stef's chuckle against her ear. "What time is it? I gotta get back to the boat by twelve," Stef said. "Oh. It's quarter past eleven," Jordan said with a frown after a quick glance at the clock on the bedstand. "Shit," Stef swore. "Well I gotta go soon then, there's a speedboat at the wharf leaving in half an hour." "Okay," Jordan said, not wanting to seem pushy even though the last thing she wanted was to lose the warm, soft body that was pressed against hers. "Okay." The atmosphere turned slightly awkward when reality leaked into the little resort room. Stef didn't know if she should get up straightaway and put her clothes on; Jordan wasn't sure if she should have said something else. "But I got about ten minutes before I have to go..." Stef trailed off, feeling self-conscious even as she said the words. Jordan smiled, a faint blush rising in her cheeks for reasons she cannot pinpoint. Seeing the smile and taking it to be a positive response, Stef smiled too and closed the distance between their lips. The kiss was slow and warm and wet. It made Jordan dizzy to feel her lips being pulled and teased. Do all girls kiss other girls that way, she wondered. When they finally pulled apart, both their breathings were a little harder than before. Stef looked behind Jordan and rolled her eyes at the clock. "I gotta go or I'll be late. Uhm..." Jordan blew out a breath. "Yea. Of course. I'll... I'll see you back on the boat," she said, trying to recover her wits. The sheets rustled. Cool air hit Jordan's body, making her mourn the loss of Stef's body heat. Smiles were exchanged and the room door closed. Jordan waited until she couldn't hear Stef's footsteps any longer before she buried her face in the pillow and sighed into it, a smile painting her kiss-bruised lips. Part Two